i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
