If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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