Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
