i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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