my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
