stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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