She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
COCAINE IS GR8
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
