Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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