I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
