I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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