Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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