A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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