Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize