I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
