i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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