I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Semen is not good for contacts.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
