First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
