I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
