Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
