eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
