K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
