i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
