i'm signing you up for texting rehab
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
