Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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