She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
