I should be sponsored by Trojan
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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