you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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