My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
