it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
