i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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