I just threw up on my dentist
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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