Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
