she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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