Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
