We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
