I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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