I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Congratulations! We have a period
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