peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
do herpes really smell.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
