apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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