I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
