I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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