I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
