She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
