She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
