please come you make the beer taste better
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
