You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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