even my farts smell like vagina
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
