yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
love makes seman taste better
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
