Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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