STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
