I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
