He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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