saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
