you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
