just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
