I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
