I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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