But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
