Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
