perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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