Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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