No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
