Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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