it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
