i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
