Please, let me fuck your mom
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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